Three ways to stop your divorce turning into a right Shambles

23 Feb 2015 @ 11.31 am
| Family
shambles-york
Picture perfect… Shambles, York

Because you’re living in York, undoubtedly the most beautiful city in the world (OK so I’m biased), the outside world may think that you’re not thinking of separating or getting divorced.

I mean, we have picture perfect lives in York, right?

Perhaps you saw the recent Buzzfeed article, 41 Reasons Living In York Ruins You For Life? Highlighting all that is fabulous about our beautiful city.

Here’s the thing. In York, we still separate and get divorced.

How do I know? Well, Your Family First is busy.

Busy helping people like you deal with the fall out of separation and divorce. If you do it right, your divorce doesn’t have to be a Shambles.

These easy to follow tips will ensure that you manage your divorce in the best way possible.

1. Consider family mediation first

Going to a mediator first can save you time and money.

When you go to see a mediator for the first time, you go separately. You get to hear about what mediation is, how it can help you, how much it costs and how much it can save you.

You might even qualify to get some or all of your mediation free.

You will also hear about the alternatives to mediation such as the traditional court process or collaborative law. And you will get help to decide whether mediation is right for you and your former partner.

2. Put the needs of your family first

When you put the needs of your family first, rather than your own, you make decisions that are right for the whole family.

This helps to soften the impact of your separation and divorce. Remember, even if you have been discreet, your children will know more about the state of your relationship than you think they do.

3. Remember this too shall pass

If you are going through separation and divorce right now, it probably feels like it’ll go on for ever. Even the most complex and acrimonious separations and divorces end.

Remembering this, and keeping it in mind, will help you to bite your tongue when you feel like lashing out, prevent you from posting derogatory comments on Facebook and badmouthing your former partner in front of your children.

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The River Ouse. Photograph © Jhsteel via Wikimedia Commons
Remember that there will be a time when much water has gone under the bridge, the anger and frustration has subsided and you feel ready to move on.

Following these three steps won’t guarantee that your separation and divorce will be plain sailing, but it will give you the best opportunity to navigate through calmer waters!

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  Emma is a family mediator and coach with Your Family First, a family mediation service based in York

  The Your Family First website contains lots of free information to support you in your separation or divorce

  Email [email protected] or phone 01904 697760

  Read all Emma’s columns here